My Fellow Manly-Men

If you get cut do you bleed red, white and blue? Do you eat red meat, get drunk and start fights? Are you an a-typical, masculine, manly-man? If you are then you're also brave, so I challenge you to step up and take the test below, you manly-man.

Below is a test that was first designed by William Whewell as a test of man-hood. This test was later revised and adapted to fit the "American Model" in 1971 by co-editers Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal. Then in 1992 it was agian revised due to that fact that only .05% of men that took the test survived.

What's that you say? You're shying away from the test?!?! Maybe you feel that you're not manly enough to even attempt this test, I say take it anyway because it also can be used as a reference point to see how manly you are, and what areas you need to improve on.

Let me start you down the right path in regards to what it means to be an “American Man,” please follow along and answer yes or no as applicable;

A) Do you eat red meat?
B) Do you own a large caliber weapon?
C) Do you smoke?
D) Do you go to war?
E) Do you hate Native Americans?
F) Do you own a 2nd large caliber weapon?
G) Do you have any articles of clothing that display the American Flag?
H) Do you drink heavily?
I) Do you shout obscenities and ‘boo’ when foreign nation anthems are being played?
J) Do you have a horn on your vehicle that honks “Dixie?”
K) Do you laugh at the idea of a “carbon footprint?”
L) Do you own a 3rd large caliber weapon?
M) Have you always wanted your very own Knight Industries Two Thousand?
N) Do you run moonshine?
O) Do you hate persons from the Middle East?
P) Is John Wayne your hero?
Q) Should the US government increase revenue and decrease illegal immigration by adding an “illegal immigrant hunting season?”
R) Do you own a 4th large caliber weapon?

S) Do you start fights?

T) Do you beat your wife or girlfriend?
U) Does Pamela Anderson have great tits?

If you have answered ‘no’ to any of these then I’m sorry, but you are not a true American man. I suspect over 99.3456395742% of you are not "true American men." Don't be ashamed it is truly a large title to fill, but maybe with a little work and that fighting American spirt.....one day you will nut up and be a man.

L.