Saturday, January 9, 2010

Billboard Religion

Dear Giant Billboard Jesus,


Why are you starring at me like that?!?!?!?!?


You've been placed in the perfect location.....just on the other side of this hill. You sneak attack motorists like a Viet Cong raid party; however, instead of MORTARS and SHIT COVERED BAMBOO STAKES, your weapons of choice are SHAME and GUILT. Motorists who may be contemplating penetrating several barnyard animals, or how they got drunk the night before and stole a gallon of chex mix, they crown your hill, only to see YOU on the other side holding your large stick of shame, and a bud heavy....CONGRATULATIONS Billboard Jesus you beat the fuck out of these sinners for the next half mile. Your guilt filled judging cardboard eyes, and stick of shame, cut right to the CORE, the SOUL, the FABRIC of many motorists, but Billboard Jesus, don't preach to me....don't stare at me with those judging eyes....you're just a MARKETING PLOY, hung on the billboard just like you where hung on the cross...by IGNORANT PEOPLE for all the WRONG REASONS.




I'm not like may motorists Billboard Jesus, I'm not having wicked thoughts as I crown your hill....no, I'm thinking about how it's possible for STEVEN SEAGAL to be a level 200 night elf druid, when the level cap is only set at 80, and how sweet 'N sour pork doesn't taste anything like chicken....that's when I pass over the top of the hill, and that's when I see YOU. Do you know what song came on the radio at that very instance Billboard Jesus?! AC/DC's "Highway to Hell," in my line of work there's no such thing as COINCIDENCE.

I was on a "Highway to Hell," and I want to THANK YOU....you didn't make me want to repent my ways, change anything about my life, or give money to the church, but you DID make me THIRSTY. I'm now driving down this HIGHWAY TO HELL.......with a BUD HEAVY, god damn I love capitalism!!!!!

L.

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